We were asked to write a blog about how we felt before leaving on this mission trip. Here is what I'm expecting...
God to open doors! I've been waiting for Him to show me what to do with this love for people and missions, for several years now. I expect this trip to answer that question in my heart and life. I'm ready for God to open doors and reveal little by little the path that He wants me to take.
To grow in confidence! I struggle daily with insecurities and questioning my ability in Christ. I'm expecting this trip to show me who I am in Christ and what I'm capable of doing in His name. I am expecting God to speak through me and use me to make a difference.
To grow in my faith! I have no idea where the money for this trip is going to come from. I've had people question if this trip will even take place and I'm counting on God to prove Himself faithful once again. I am excited to see how God is going to take me by surprise in His provision for me.
I'm nervous and still have moments of uncertainty. I don't know how everything will work out but I know that God has placed a call on my life and all He needs me to do is answer that call. All God needs is all of me... He takes care of the rest.
We were asked to write a blog about how we were called to this missions trip. Here is my story...
Ever since I first discovered that bed sheets make excellent
Indian Sari's and pretty authentic looking African garb, I've loved
foreign culture. I was completely enamored with the many skin tones and
accents that I came in contact with at the grocery store, or at church.
I wanted to be foreign, I wanted an accent. A Northern Ohio dialect
just didn't seem exotic enough.
As I grew, so did my love for people, and their differences. I
couldn't really say what drew me to them, what I found so interesting,
I didn't know. I just couldn't get enough of the rich culture and
language that came from the places I dreamt about. All I really knew is
that I wanted to be them.
I was 15 when I realized that God had not called me to be an
Indian, African, or any other race that I had deemed "exotic". My skin
color would forever be very white, and my ethnicity would remain
unchanged. He was not calling me to be them, He was calling me to love them, and show HIS love for them. Turns out, that's a more realistic goal anyway.
It has been 5 years since God gave me the vision to serve Him
through foreign missions. 5 years of staying put, feeling useless, and
questioning if I had heard Him right. 5 years of God working on me,
teaching me, and dealing with heart issues. I have attempted other
trips, but none of them came together. I did not understand God's plan,
or why things were happening the way they were. I've just...waited.
This will be my first foreign missions trip, and I'm scared out
of my mind. I have no idea how God is going to make this all work. It
will be a literal miracle when all the money comes in, and I personally
don't feel "qualified" to be doing this. I'm nervous about making
friends, and my insecurities seem to be growing by the day. I swing
back and forth between excitement and utter panic, but I know, at the
end of the day, God is control. He has asked me to step out and follow
His leading... and who am I to refuse?
My wise brother told me the other day, that this feeling of fear
and uncertainty, this unknown territory of trusting God with ALL my
heart, and the leaning not on my own understanding...it's as much a
part of the trip as the actual traveling/ministering part, and indeed
it is.
